MINE getting kids to Share

"MINE!!!" Ever hear that word? When it comes out of my
daughter's mouth it's like nails on a chalkboard. My kids have
had to share everything, not only with each other but also
with all the kids in our dayhome. What is amazing is how
they've turned out differently, my son gladly shares, whereas
my daughter not so much. She shares for the most part, but
does have those things she doesn't like boys to touch. While
taking care of kids in the dayhome (inhome daycare) I learned
a lot about what will and won't work.

Babies:

They can't share, they see, they grab. You may find yourself
constantly saying "she is a baby and too young to
understand, let her have it and we'll get you something else." I
did this lots, then one day realized that she was old enough to
share and I was still saying it. Not only that, my son was
always giving her what she wanted. Barbara Coloroso in her
book, kid's are worth it!, talks about teaching kids how to
resolve the conflict themselves and not doing it for them. She
writes about older children, but this can be applied for older
siblings and babies. When the baby takes something ask the
older child questions so they can figure out a solution.
"Where was it when she took it?" "Where should it have been
or where does it belong?" (especially if he hadn't put the toy
away). "Where do you think you could put it so she doesn't
get it?" "Is there a toy of hers you could trade her for it?"
"Would you like it if someone bigger came and grabbed a toy
from you?" Taking time to teach a child that it is his
responsibility to make sure his things are put out of reach
can be a valuable lesson for life.

Toddlers:

You've heard of the terrible "twos" well, they are just
practicing for three. The trading game works well with this
age. The child cannot take a toy from another child, they have
to offer to trade them for something else. It doesn't take long
for them to get the hang of this technique.

When a child would bring a toy to my place and wouldn't
share it, it automatically got put away until the end of the day.
He would be warned about what would happen if he didn't
share it. If he continued to choose not to share I wouldn't say
anything I'd just take it and put it in the cupboard. Most of the
time that would be it and they would all find something else to
do. The odd time, the child would sit and cry and cry and cry,
while the other kids would put a mound of toys around the
upset child. Soon he'd find something in the pile that was
better than what he'd brought.

Barbara Coloroso, mentions that it's rare for kids to share
because it isn't modeled for them. If you want them to share,
you must show them how to by example. This means sharing
with them, with your partner, with your friends. How can you
expect your child to share, when you don't.

Preschoolers to Early Elementary

Now they are older and the fight is on full force and loud. Ask
yourself, "what's upsetting me the fact they don't share or the
fact they are screaming?" If it's the screaming, send them
outside or downstairs. My kids don't fight a lot but when they
do it sends me through the roof. I take one look at them and
say "downstairs now." If they start with the "he started its" or
"she won't shares." I take one look at them and say
"downstairs now!" They will sort it out themselves I took this
one from Ms. Coloroso too. Keep it simple, don't lecture or
criticize, when possible let them figure it out for themselves.

Pre Teen and On

Read Barbara Coloroso's book kids are worth it! By this age
they can write up contracts, make deals with each other, and
see each others point of view. One of her more creative
techniques is to have the two of them together write what
happened in order to see each others point of view. She has
so many ideas and techniques for older kids I could go on
and on.

We are born selfish, I once heard someone say that the
original sin is selfishness. I think they're right. It is against our
nature from birth to share and give generously, its a behavior
that must be taught and modeled. Decide how you want your
kids to behave and behave accordingly.